New Year’s Resolutions from a Dog and Cat

Pets have New Year’s resolutions too!  Check out our favorites below.

Have a happy and healthy 2011 from your friends at The Animal Hospital of Polaris!

New Year’s Resolution from a Dog

Resolution #1: I will eat less and exercise more.

Too many nights on the couch, too many dog biscuits and too little time running around the local dog park has made me a little, well, fluffier.

I don’t think the old “I’m-just-big-boned” excuse will work anymore. I resolve to bug my owner to take me out to the doggy park several times a week.

Resolution #2: I will beg less.

I’ve got begging down to a fine art – he’s puddy in my paws – but it sure is demeaning. I promise to reserve the begging for worthwhile things, like going out to the park and T-bone steak.

Resolution #3: I will recognize the difference between furniture and fire hydrants.

I promise not to treat the furniture and walls the way I do fire hydrants. It drives my owners batty and has no lasting benefit for me (they clear away the scent almost as fast as I can “deposit” it.)

Resolution #4: I’ll stay out of the cat’s litter box.

I vow to resist the urge to snoop around the cat’s private lavatory – even though it’s a lot of fun and really makes her go nuts.

Resolution #5: I won’t bite the vet anymore.

I’ll remember that the vets and their staff are just trying to help in their own, inscrutable way, although they really know how to push my buttons with those needles!

Resolution #6: I won’t steal food as much.

I won’t go out of my way to steal food, although all bets are off if they make it really easy for me.

Resolution #7: I’ll introduce myself in more appropriate ways.

In other words, I’ll focus above the waist when introducing myself to humans. Somehow, I get the feeling my normal greeting methods invade their private space.

Resolution #8: I’ll do better “holding it” until morning.

When nature calls, I’ll steel my resolve to wait for my normal morning walk, unless special considerations apply. I’ll decide what those special considerations are.

Resolution #9: I’ll bark at the mailman less.

Even though it works to put him in his place, I’ll try not to exercise my authority over him and other delivery people, although my self-esteem does get a boost when they retreat.

Resolution #10: I’ll tolerate those homemade bandannas more.

(Source: http://www.yeepet.com)

========================================================

New Year’s Resolution from a Cat

Resolution #1:  My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

Resolution #2:  I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

Resolution #3: I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

Resolution #4:  I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink’s drain.

Resolution #5:  I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I’m getting plenty of roughage.

Resolution #6:  I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

Resolution #7:  I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

Resolution #8:  I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

Resolution #9:  I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

Resolution #10:  We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans’ bed while they’re trying to sleep.

Resolution #11:  Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

Resolution #12:  I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

Resolution #13:  I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

Resolution #14:  I will not intrude on my human’s candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

Resolution #15:  I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

Resolution #16:  If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

Resolution #17:  When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

Resolution #18:  Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

Resolution #19:  The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

Resolution #20:  I will not play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

Resolution #21:  When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

Resolution #22:  I will not swat my human’s head repeatedly when she’s on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

Resolution #23:  When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Resolution #24:  Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

Resolution #25:  I am a walking static generator. My human doesn’t need my help installing a new board in her computer.

(Source: http://www.i-pets.com/hdogcat8.html)

Advertisements

Tags: , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: